She was leading the meeting and slowly loosing herself.
You can lead the room, drive the results, and still feel like a stranger to yourself.
When she took her place at the head of the table.
Everyone looked to her.
She was composed. Articulate. Always prepared.
In the meeting room, she set the tone.
But inside of her, something else was unfolding.
She wasn’t just tired—she was disconnected.
Not from the team. But from herself, it was eating her up on the inside.
After a string of promotions and high-stakes wins, she quietly admitted:
“I don’t remember the last time I made a decision that felt like mine.”
That moment didn’t show up in a performance review.
But it marked the beginning of something far more important than another milestone: an identity realignment.
The Hidden Cost of Constant Leadership
Over time, many executives unknowingly trade authenticity for utility.
They show up and they deliver, do what had to be done.
But internally, a quiet erosion takes place:
- The values you once held start to feel vague
- The role you wear begins to wear you down
- The clarity you had gets replaced by compliance to expectation
She wasn’t leading badly. She was just getting disconnected—and that’s a different kind of danger.
Coaching Insight
In this case, we didn’t need a performance plan.
We needed a pattern interrupt and from there:
We agreed this space wasn’t about outcomes, but about alignment, realignment.
Although, her words were strong. Her tone hinted at fatigue, doubt, and disconnection and worse of all burnout.
What roles had she outgrown but still clung to?
We mapped decisions she made out of “shoulds” vs. those made from true self-direction.
We got her to commit. The commitment? One authentic “no” per week
That wasn’t just a strategy. That was a much needed realignment.
The Quiet Danger of Identity Drift
When executives drift from their core, here’s what happens:
Decisions become emotionally expensive, the imposter syndrome creeps in (even with years of success).
Teams sense dissonance—even if they can’t name it and then authenticity becomes a performance.
Here’s the scary part
It happens gradually without you realising.
You don’t wake up one day lost.
You just stop recognising who’s showing up to lead.
Reframing Leadership: From Control to Congruence
She realised she didn’t need to abandon her role.
What she needed to do was to reintroduce herself to it.
Instead of asking, “What do they need from me?”
She began asking, “What part of me have I silenced to meet expectations?”
And that single shift began to rebuild trust with herself.
Final Thoughts
Leadership isn’t about holding it all together.
It’s about holding yourself first.
If you’ve started feeling like the version of you at work is running on autopilot, you’re not alone.
Clarity doesn’t scream in your face.
It whispers.
And ONLY when you stop long enough to listen, you just might find that the best leader you can be… is the one that feels like you again.
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